I have hope.

Fill in the blank: I have hope because______________.

I saw this little prompt this morning in the facebook status of a radio station that I listen to. It really got my mental wheels turning.

There is a lot of stuff going on (good, bad, scary, exciting). It's not just going on for me, it's going on for others in my life too; really, it's going on all over the world. I sometimes get distracted by the intensity, immediacy, or incomprehensible nature of the stuff; I wonder about this starting or that stopping or this event coming or that awful turn happening, and the Holy Spirit of God speaks to my heart and reminds me that I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF ANY OF IT. In that moment I have to STOP my mental explorations of worst-case scenarios, best-case scenarios and possibilities in between. God asks me to surrender the situation to him in prayer; then He asks me to LISTEN and do what HE thinks is best.

I have hope because my life and my circumstances rest in the hands of God Almighty; He bought me and saved me from the slavery of sin and death, purchasing my life with the blood of his Son, Jesus. I accepted his gift of salvation and surrendered my life to His lordship. That was the best decision I ever made.

I am not in control - HE IS.
I don't understand what is going on- HE UNDERSTANDS.
I don't know why things are turning out this way - HE KNOWS.
I don't know what to say to the hurting people around me - HE GUIDES.

I am an intelligent person, but I don't have the knowledge that God does. My knowledge and frame of reference are limited. God is unlimited. Relying on Him sounds simplistic, but it feels complicated... It's only complicated because I make it that way - I worry, I fret, I wonder, I question. He really has made it simple, though.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

"If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." I Peter 5:7

God's principles are sound. He is faithful. The specific application of His principles may look a little different in your life than it does in mine, but we both need to put Him first as we live our lives on earth and deal with both the good things and the hard things it involves. 

I don't have hope because I am smart. I don't have hope because I have a husband. I don't have hope because I have a savings account. I don't have hope because I've been a "good girl". I don't have hope because of karma. I have hope because of JESUS.

Why do you have hope?  If you don't know why you hope, or if you don't have hope, you NEED JESUS. I'll be glad to tell you more about Him.

HE knows the reason

In my previous post I mentioned that we are going to more classes & trainings as a part of our foster-to-adopt program. On Tuesday morning, we both attend a First Aid training class; it was a video-driven presentation created by the American Heart Association. The videos included many "real-life" situations of people getting in accidents or having problems and bystanders/co-workers calmly saying, "I am trained in First Aid... may I help you?" and helping them in appropriate ways. The most commonly used lines seemed to be, "You! Go call 9-1-1." and "You! Go get me the first aid kit!"

We took the class was so we could get our certification cards and be one step closer to being parents. Anyway, we THOUGHT that was the reason.

On Tuesday afternoon, David was visiting with a former student of his at the college. When this student took his class several years ago, he was a healthy, able-bodied guy. Now, he is wheelchair-bound. David spent a few moments visiting him and learned about the injury that created this new reality. It was a very rainy day, and after speaking with the student for several minutes, David continued on to another task while the student appeared to be waiting for a ride, or for the weather to let up. After he walked away, it occurred to David that the student might need an umbrella or an escort through the rain, so he headed back toward where the student had been to offer one or both... and he was already gone. It had been such a short time since their talk, David was sure he couldn't have gone far. He looked out the glass doors & didn't see the student, so he hoisted his jacket over his head and stepped out into the rain to look around the corner and see if he'd gone another direction.

David was surprised to see that the student was lying on the ground, having fallen out of his wheelchair. David hurried over to help him, and another student (a young lady) also came over to help. David found another guy to help him lift the student back into his wheelchair while the young woman stayed with the fallen student. The student insisted that he was fine and that there was no need to call 9-1-1, so David pushed the wheelchair and escorted the young man to the student center. Evidently, the student had been on his way there and had dropped his backpack in the rain. While leaning over to retrive it, he fell out of the chair and was unable to get back up, until David and the others arrived to help.

Today is Wednesday. TODAY David was buying his lunch in the student center and on his way to check-out he heard a man say "I need help!" David went over and found that one of his female colleagues had fainted and was unresponsive for a few moments. Others were wondering aloud if they should call 9-1-1, and David spotted one of his students and told her to call 9-1-1, which she did. He also helped support the woman as she sat on the floor, and someone brought a cold cloth to put on her head. The groggy colleague was accompanied by her husband (who had initially called out for help), and he mentioned that his wife had given blood for the first time just a few minutes before; that was probably a contributing factor to her passing out like that. David remembered feeling woozy when he had given blood in the past; someone brought some orange juice for the lady to drink, and David helped her off the floor and into a chair. He also called the colleague's boss to let her know what had happened. He waited with the couple until the paramedics arrived; they recommended that she go home to rest, so David sat with her while her husband got their vehicle, then he helped walk her to the car. He mentioned to them that he'd just attended a first aid class the day before... David told me at home that he felt like he was in one of the AHA videos. He eventually DID get to eat his cold lunch.

We thought the reason we took the first aid class was so we could get our certification cards and get one step closer to being parents. God knew that people would need David's help this week, and that he needed some preparation to help them. HE knew the real reason we got trained this week.

He knows the reason for everything in our lives. He really does.

He is so incredibly faithful. We can only stand amazed and humbled.

The journey continues

February 2013. We have been on our adoption journey for over three years now. And we are still a family of two. Since the advent of 2013, we have moved in another new direction, placed a new "line in the water", to use a fishing analogy. We still have an "active file" with Covenant Care Services, our original agency in Macon, and we've completed requirements for two of the adoption programs with Lutheran Services of Georgia; now we are working on requirements for a third program: foster-to-adopt.

After a veritable merry-go-round of caseworkers at LSG, we are now working with Nancy. She has been wonderful to work with so far (none of our other 4 caseworkers were bad, really), and she is helping us go down the checklist of things to buy and classes to take and trainings to receive so we might be acceptable as "foster parents" to the state DFCS division. Our prayer is still that we would (1) prepare for parenthood as God would have us do and (2) know our children when we see them.

Be my help, Lord. Help me put aside the aggravation and resentment I feel about having to jump through SOOO many hoops: signing forms that are almost exactly the same as forms we signed last year and the year before, taking more classes, reading more requirements, answering more questions, complying with additional safety checklists... Help me to appreciate how the agencies are striving to protect the children in the foster care and keep them from being hurt AGAIN by a family, when they have already been hurt in their experience with their family of origin. Help me LEARN from the classes & training session & books & articles & conversations I encounter. Help me pray for my children, even though I know almost nothing about them. Let me be satisfied in knowing that YOU know my children: You know where they live, who they love, what they need, who they can be in You... You know what it will take for me to be their Mama. You will protect them, You will bring us together in your time. My journey is hard, but if you see fit to bring children into our family by bringing them out of foster care, their journey is certainly harder.

Thank You, Lord, for friends & family who continue to pray for us. Thank You that we are not alone. Thank You that we have been able to meet the requirements so far. Thank You for providing the resources we have needed. Thank You for knowing my heart and understanding my pain and fortifying my hope. Thank You for being faithful. Thank You for this journey, even though it is hard. Thank You for being OUR FATHER.

Bloggy Update

It's hard to believe I've postponed posting on this blog for [gasp] 6 months. Time flies!

Well, as I posted in January, we've been working on a home study with Lutheran Services of Georgia; we are participating in their Domestic Infant adoption program and the Heritage program, which matches adoptive parents with children who are currently in state foster care. We don't know which program might be the vehicle for our entering the world of parenthood, but we're trying to remain open to whatever God has. It's also possible that we could be selected by a birthmother through Covenant Care Services, as our file is still open with them.

We have had one caseworker through the entire course of our journey with CCS, so it has been surprising and a bit confusing that our experience with LSG has involved 4 different caseworkers so far... yes, I said 4... but the home study has been finished, and worker #3 told us that worker #2 had written a very good home study narrative, though I have not been able to get a copy of it myself and see her handiwork. #3 had to resign from the agency just recently due to health concerns, so we're staying in contact with an Atlanta caseworker, #4, while the program manager tries to hire a local caseworker. When God is through with this story, it's sure to be a good one, but in the meantime, the waiting is hard.

This week, I have been missing my kids, whoever they are. I try to pray for them, but sometimes I feel like I've already said it all... I know God still wants to hear it, though, and He wants me to stay close to Him. I am also re-reading Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother since it has been a few years since I read that one. I actually read it in the nursery... is that silly?

At church, I've been working through a Bible study book called Divine Design, which is about Biblical womanhood. Last week, we were reading about Adam & Eve in the garden, and the fact that God allowed them to have all of the trees in the garden except one. The question was posed to me, is there something in life on which God has posted a "Keep Off" sign, or said, "You can't have that,"? It asked me to comment on my reaction to this indication. As more time passes, I become more accepting of the reality that I will not "have" pregnancy & childbirth. Yet, I still believe that God will not withhold the opportunity to be a parent and to nurture children in my family & household. I must continue to reaffirm my faith in my Lord & Savior! He is good!!!

Lord, let me remain yielded to Your will and help me be content with Your good plans and Your timing (Jer 29:11). Continue to give me a heart for the children you have for me, children of another woman's body who will become children of my home and of my heart. Thank you for the testimony of families around me who have become parents through the miracle of adoption; I know that you have not forgotten me (Is 44:21) and that you are faithful to complete the works you begin (Phil 1:6).

Piano Recital success!

My studio piano recital for 2012 was on March 17 - St Patrick's Day!! It was a busy day for me because of the recital, but I was very mindful of St Pats because it was a holiday my Irish grandmother always loved. I wanted to have green programs... but that didn't work out, so my white programs each wore a green shamrock sticker. I wanted to have a new green blouse... but I couldn't find one I like that was mostly green, so I got one that sported summery flowers and green leaves. I wanted to have peppermint patties for the families to eat at the reception... and I got them! :-)

The recital was a lot of fun, even though it was hard work for David & me. I chose a two-week turnaround between piano festival (an adjudicated event for my students out-of-town) and recital for the sake of the students; I wanted them to be able to perform their festival pieces for their families while they are already sounding good, but 2 weeks is fast for me to get certificates printed, programs typed & printed, and trophy nameplates engraved. It's worth it, though. I don't have any pictures to share... but 21 out of my 26 students were there, and many smiling photographs were taken by their proud parents & grandparents. I understand that one student's dad was out of town, so they used a mobile phone and he was able to watch his son perform via "Facetime". Cool!

For 8 of the students, this was their FIRST recital with me, and they seemed to enjoy themselves very much, even though one student was on crutches, another froze up with stage fright and forgot her piece, and I skipped over another student in the program... and the audience had to catch my mistake! I hope the day will stay in their memories as a positive experience-- playing on a BEAUTIFUL, shiny grand piano, hearing the applause of 100 audience members (that's a LOT for a kid!!), enjoying tasty punch & snacks, getting a certificate and/or a trophy, having their picture taken at the piano (AFTER the recital--not while performing!!) and I hope they will continue making music all their lives, and that doing so will bring them joy.

Thank You, God, for the gift of music, and thank You for enabling me to share it with your children.

A New Adoption Direction

So, it's been 22 months since we finished our home study interviews and entered the period of "waiting" for an adoption placement. I hate to say it, but in some ways I feel like my life entered a holding pattern; not overly fun. It seems like everyone else's life is moving right along - babies being born, kids getting older, more babies being born, people graduating, people getting married - and we're just sort of stuck in waiting.

God is faithful, though, and I've been busy. I did a play at the local theater and played piano for a rehearsals for other plays, I have rejoined our local Chorale for the first time since Mom & Dad Latona came to town, I operate a healthy-sized piano studio of 26 kids, and we are both still working with the college students in the local BCM club - we actually had the officers and the campus pastor over for dinner Friday, and we spent time praying for the students and for the work God wants to do with the club on campus. We got to travel to see my parents and my sister during Christmas, and I went back in mid-January to meet my new baby nephew. Of course, Mom & Dad keep me busy too, but they are feeling pretty good, and we have been 6 months without a hospitalization. whew!

Things have been happening on the adoption front too. We connected with an additional agency, Lutheran Services of Georgia, shortly before the end of the year. So far, we've done orientation, submitted an application (not much paperwork), and attended an IMPACT training session, which is required in order to adopt children who are in state DFCS foster care. Yup, that's right, I said foster care. The Lord has been opening our hearts to the idea of adopting slightly older children (past the infant stage) who need a family to call their own. We are both going to get fingerprinted this week (hopefully), and we're currently working on at least 60 pages of paperwork that's required by the agency and/or DFCS, hoping to have it ready for our caseworker early next week. We're also registered to attend a "domestic infant adoption" training session with this agency, as they also place infants who are not in foster care and whose parents voluntarily terminate their parental rights.

So, things are happening. I am not overly happy about having to do all of the paperwork, medical exams, background check, and interviews again, but it's a different agency, and they need it done again, so we're doing it. We still don't know when or who or how... but we're praying that God puts our family together as only He can - miraculously. Thank you for your ongoing prayers for "Baby Latona" and/or "Little Latonas" that will be coming into our lives.

Parenting our parents

My husband's parents are a big responsibility in our lives. I usually take care of their shopping & errands, and I accompany them to almost all DR appointments, but this week there were no DR appts on the calendar, and my dear husband took care of the errands, effectively giving me a little break. We've been spending Friday evenings with Mom & Dad, playing cards & usually having dinner together. Tonight I started cooking supper, and he went to pick them up & run an errand. Here's a little summary he posted on facebook tonight:

So here is my life....I pick up Mom and Dad for Family Fridays! I decide to take my elderly parents to CVS....I think, "Surely, they can handle a trip to the pharmacy." Mom wants to buy birthday cards for Lynn, my mother-in-law, and me; Dad wants candy. So we enter the store and I show Mom the card section. Then I take Dad to the candy aisle and tell him to pick out two bags of candy while I go help Mom pick out cards. At this point Dad is passing gas and not to be gross but there is nothing as hideous as the gas a 91 year old passes. Another lady enters the aisle as I leave and I think, "Poor woman, she should run the other way."

I find Mom and she has picked out a card for my Christian mother-in-law. Mom picked it out in about 2 minutes flat and without her reading glasses. I read the card which starts out nice saying something about you deserve a day off, a day in the hot tub, a day to eat whatever you want, etc. Then on the bottom it says: "Do it all again tomorrow, what the hell, you deserve it." Not the right card for my mother-in-law for sure. So I help Mom pick out a better card and a card for my brother Lynn. Next I tell her, "I know you want to pick me out a card so I am going to check out these two cards and Dad's candy. After you buy your last card we will meet you in the car."

Dad and I go to the car and wait and wait and wait. I go in and find that Mom has been wandering the store calling my name, but now she is finally at checkout. When I go to checkout she not only has a card, but she also has a gallon of milk and more candy. For those who don't understand....Mom is a diabetic and she is constantly cheating on sweets (milk also is bad for diabetics). I freak out, but the lady already rang her out, so I decide to confiscate it when we get back to my house. However, there is one more crisis...she can't find her credit card. We look in every part of her purse and have no luck! I will have to look for it in her apartment later in the evening.

Oh, well that is a small snapshot of my life as senior caregiver! Pray for Amanda and me!!

The good news is that the lost credit card was found (after David checked two of Mom's other purses), there was room in our frig for the milk (she can have it on Tuesday, but not today...), and that we are finding the humor in these situations rather than just plain stressing out. The best news is, though, that Mom & Dad are in good spirits, they feel loved, and they love us. They're not the same as they used to be, mentally, but we're still making good memories--that is, David and I are making memories--and we're in this together, honoring our parents as best we can.

My Lord, my Encourager

I have been very frustrated in the waiting process lately. I chatted with my caseworker a few weeks ago, and she was very understanding and empathetic. She also encouraged me to connect with other agencies and have other options for adoption.

Here are just a few things that I have explored or discovered in the last 3 months:
* One of David's coworkers adopted from a crisis pregnancy outreach in Oklahoma several years ago. I read almost all of their website & made contact with a volunteer, discovering that while they still assist young ladies with adoption plans, they are not taking profiles from out-of-state couples at this time.
* Our home study has to be updated in order to be considered "current" by the state of Georgia. This will require us to do another round of medical exams with the doctors to show we are (still) healthy, plus a visit from our caseworker to verify that our home situation is (still) as we said it was last year, plus a few hundred dollars to update the study.
* An adoption agency in my home town is not taking profiles from out-of-state couples at this time; check back in 4-6 months. This second time they've told me this; I inquired at the beginning of the year too.
* There are many "family service" providers in various states, but each one has a limit on how many out-of-state couples they will work with, a multi-page application form, training classes & interview process.... even if we apply with only a few, we will eat up our adoption savings with fees & travel expenses, not to mention the actual placement fee (as little as $6K, usually $10K and up). Plus, most organizations want adoptive parents of infants to be within the ages of 25 and 45. David is very close to that upper limit.
* We have friends who are living in Kiev, Ukraine, and have made contact with an authority in the adoption services program in that country. Other friends also told us that the application process for that country is really quick right now - dossiers are being processed within about 4 months (that's REALLY fast for international adoption). It would be exciting to go to Ukraine to adopt, especially since we have a contact there now, but we might have to stay there a LONG time! We read a blog account of a couple in TN who adopted from Ukraine, and what they thought would be a 4-6 week trip was extended to 67 DAYS out of country. Because of our responsibilities with David's parents, we don't think we could realistically be gone that long.
* We sent our life-book to two young ladies in our surrounding community (friends of friends of friends...) who were early in their respective pregnancies and would probably be considering private adoption. We have not heard anything about their plans, though we continue to pray for both of them.

There is just SO much out there. In-state... out-of-state... international... agency... private... foster care... My head hurts trying to think through it all. YET, the Lord brought me unexpected encouragement just last night. I was serving in the nursery, and we had a little guy who was kind of fussy (and really sleepy!) and eventually was crying to the point where we sent for his mom before church was over. She expressed thanks that we sent for her, and in the course of visiting with her, I discovered that she and her husband had adopted him via private adoption, using an attorney, when he was about 7 months old. We chatted a bit about agencies we had been in contact with, and the LARGE amount of money it costs to adopt infants with some agencies, and I mentioned that we were using Covenant Care Services. She immediately recognized the name and said, "Oh, I LOVE them! When we adopt our next child, we want to use them."

What a wonderful bit of assurance that we are working with good people at a well-reputed agency. We're still exploring more options, trying to branch out, but my short conversation with this mom helped ease the uncertain desperation that I've been combating.

So many people have checked on me lately to find out how it's coming with the adoption, and SO many people have told me that they (and their children) are praying for us. It's so humbling; it makes me cry even now. It is hard to NOT KNOW, to STILL be waiting after all this time, and I would be an emotional MESS if not for my faith in God, who brings the blessing of children. For now, I have children in my life as friends, students, church family, niece & nephews, and I enjoy showing love to my friends and their children by spending with them and babysitting.

Thank you, Lord, for letting me love these precious kids as I wait.
Thank you, Lord, for so many organizations that minister to children & pregnant women.
Thank you, Lord, for my husband.
Thank you, Lord, for helping me wait for YOUR timing and YOUR good work; you are faithful ALWAYS.

We are up on the adoption site!

Please pray with us that God will use this website to unite us with the child he has for us. We are thankful for Covenant Care Services and the care and support they give to women and families.

Click here to see us on the Covenant Care site.

By the way, if you know someone who is pregnant and is considering adoption, Covenant Care does "designated adoptions". If someone knows that she wants us specifically to be her baby's parents, she can contact Covenant Care through the website with this form, or call them. The office phone number is Phone: (478) 475-4990, and the Toll Free Crisis Line is 1-800-226-5683 (LOVE)

Like a bad penny

OK, so David and I FINALLY had a yard sale a couple of weeks ago. Ever since my parents-in-law moved to GA, we were not able to park a car in our 2-car garage because of boxes of our stuff, boxes of their stuff, and STUFF that just needed to GO. We sorted through linens, kitchen items, Christmas decorations, books, movies, tools, some furniture, and LOTS of miscellaneous stuff.

One of the parents' boxes I sorted was full of music books; there were "E-Z Play Today" keyboard/organ books (yuck!), along with some other books and sheet music that I did not want to add to my library. I actually threw away a lot of stuff in that box because it was illegally photocopied. Anyway, I digress. I arranged the music books in a box for yard sale customers to flip through, and I added some of my own piano books to it, since I haven't ever used them, and I need the room on my shelf.

Our yard sale was very successful; we sold blankets & towels, old bowling balls, spare light bulbs, kitchen gadgets, computer peripherals, even a broken chair. It felt good to sell so much stuff and make a little cash. We still didn't have quite enough room to park the car in there, so I took a bunch of our leftover stuff and donated to a yard sale at the retirement community where David's parents live. They have never been into yard sale shopping, and with their memory loss issues, I took a chance that if they DID go and look, they might not recognize some of their old stuff.

I was really busy the weekend of the community sale, and I did not go to it. Mom Latona called me that afternoon, and she was VERY excited because she had bought 3 books with some "WONDERFUL" music for me to play on the piano for her and Dad. Wouldn't you know, two of them were "E-Z Play" books that we had tried unsuccessfully to sell: "The Lawrence Welk Songbook" and "Songs of the Thirties". I'll give her credit; the third book was NOT originally her property... Of course, she asked me to keep the books at my house for her. For me, this classifies the books as "bad penny" books - they just keep turning up!

I have heard that there is ANOTHER collection of music books, leftover from the yard sale I presume, that they would like me to look at, because one of the neighbors knows I teach piano, and he thought that *I* could probably USE some of them. Every time we bring Mom and Dad over she says, "Oh, I forgot to bring you those books!" I'm suspicious that it may be the same method books that I cleared from my shelf just a few weeks ago. [sigh] On the bright side, though, I asked Mom if she saw any stuff of hers & Dad's at the yard sale, and she said she saw a pillow and a blanket. I said, "That's all?", and she said, "That's all." Well, there was a WHOLE lot more of their stuff in that sale; I'm glad they didn't buy any more of it back!

A small step, but a step!

Well, we made a small step today. Our adoption agency, Covenant Care Services, is going to post our picture, our birthmother letter, and part of our "adoptive family profile" on their website.

I don't know exactly when our information will go up, but it feels like a step in the right direction for this hopefully-soon-to-be-mama.



Psalm 130:5 NASB
I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.



In the meantime, here's some supercute pictures of my youngest nephew, after enjoying a tasty dinner at our house earlier this month. Can you see the applesauce ALL over his sweet face?











We also played with the kids at a local park, and who knew that Mr. & Mrs. Latona's canes could be so much fun?

We sure enjoyed your visit, Melanie. It's fun to be Uncle David and Aunt Amanda.

Lord, help us be patient as we wait for the titles of "Mommy" and "Daddy".

Confession: Waiting is hard right now

So, I've been staying off of facebook this month. One reason I chose to do it was so I could research some additional adoption agencies, and see if we could connect with one or two in an effort to be matched up with the child God has for our family.

I am struggling on so many levels. First, there's that general ache, wanting to be a mommy, yet not having a child. God is faithful, and I am content most of the time, but this past week in particular, it has been very hard. Next, there has been some rejection. I have contacted two agencies that told me they limit the number of out-of-state couples they work with, and they just can't take any more right now. I'm also struggling with fear. I asked one of the agencies if they could provide some recommendations, and when I did a search a the place they suggested, I found articles & blogposts about ethics violations, loss of license, and scary stuff like that. I don't want to be so eager to adopt a baby that I fall victim to shady people who just want our money. On the flip side, though, I don't want to be suspicious of every agency I find.

I want to be patient and wait with grace. Yet, if God would have us find "our baby" with another agency, I don't want miss out because I was complacent and never attempted to contact other agencies. YET, I don't want to run ahead of God's will or kick in a door that He has shut. I took a deep breath and called an agency today; I left a voicemail message without crying and was very proud of myself. However, they saw my # on the caller ID (I had cycled back to the operator station a couple of times while deciding who to leave a message for, and as a result their phone rang a lot...) so they thought I had called several times, and they called me back. I should have been glad to get to talk to someone so quickly, but instead I was fighting tears during my conversation with the caseworker, and I cried when I hung up the phone. Tears have been streaming through most of my typing of this post, actually. I don't want to be an emotional wreck, but sometimes my emotions well up A LOT when I have to talk about our situation to someone who doesn't know us.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to stop looking for additional agencies and go back to surfing through facebook, but then, I won't really learn anything about myself or about truly leaning on HIM through the tough stuff if I just avoid the tough stuff and spend my time on mindless games.

God, I trust You. You are faithful to Your people. Your Word does not return void. I believe we are on an adoption journey because it's where You called us to be. It's just really hard right now. In my weakness, be strong for me.

Birthday 2011 - a tale of ten songs

I certainly enjoyed celebrating my birthday this year. :-) Here are the highlights:

On the eve of my birthday, my sweet friends noted the outfit I wore to choir practice and observed that I looked like a college student. I took this as a great compliment since I got out of college...13 years ago. (eek!)

I opened a gift from my parents first thing in the morning; a fun sweater & blouse. My mom knows I like it when she gives me clothes, since I usually dread shopping for them myself. My dear friend Tammy came to visit me in the afternoon, and she brought homemade cupcakes with chocolate icing. I had made strawberry cupcakes, and I served them to my students all week (there are still a few more to pass out today and Monday), but it was fun to be the recipient of such a treat.

Cards arrived in the mail from my husband's aunt, from Miss Annette at church, and from the "Moss Gang". The hand-made card from my 4-year-old niece to "AUNTAMANDA" was fun, and so was the Kohl's gift card! Friends sent me messages & "wall posts" on facebook through the day, and I enjoyed reading them, since I don't let the program tell people it's my birthday; they have to remember or figure it out!

At dinner, my husband presented me with a gift that was wrapped at a jewelry store!! He consulted with some of his female coworkers who have lived here a long time, and they told him the best jewelry store in the area was over in Sylvester, so unbeknownst to me, he took his mom over there and selected a necklace for me. The chain is a sparkly silver (it almost looks like diamonds), and it's interspersed with pearls. So lovely. I was touched that in the midst of the busyness and stress of work, he made time to select something special for me. I love my man...

Birthday song #1 was sung by my husband before we got out of bed in the morning. He is NOT a singer, mind you, and it was very sweet that he chose to sing to me.

Birthday song #2 was on the telephone, courtesy of Mr. Russell Cates. He has been a member of my church for many years, and his ministry is to call members on their birthdays, sing the song, and remind them that Jesus loves them. Mr. Russell makes me smile.

Song #3 was via Skype! My sweet and busy sister taught her kids the birthday song EARLY, and it was fun to watch them sing to me; technology is so cool. Thanks, Mel, for finding those few minutes for me in your VERY FULL day!

Songs #1-3 all happened before 8:00, and at 9:00 my parents called & sang to me on the phone. They said, "Has anyone sung 'Happy Birthday' to you yet?" I told them that they were song #4 of the day!

Someone once told me that I should have my students play "happy birthday" for me on the piano on my special day, but I haven't specifically taught them to play it since we're prepping for piano festival in about 2 weeks. I couldn't help but smile when one of my students arrived at his lesson with a printout of the "Happy Birthday" music that his mom had found on the internet, and he played it for me before we started our lesson. Birthday song #5 was an unexpected treat!

You might not count song #6, but *I* do, and that's what matters. For several years, I played keyboard at my home church (First Assembly of God, Gainesville FL) and for a season, I got to share the platform with the Whitesel family. Julie, Janet, Keith, Kraig & Jeana were a fine bunch of musicians, and when Janet posted the happy birthday lyrics with music note icons included, I could HEAR her singing it, if only in my mind's ear.

Song # 7 was courtesy of another student (and his mom) who called me on the phone and sang a lively rendition of "Happy Birthday", complete with a "cha-cha-cha" at the end of every line! (ironically, songs #5 and #7 were both performed by students named Jacob)

Song #8 was provided by my MIL & FIL. They wanted to take us out to dinner for my birthday, even though that meant a rather LATE meal for them; they usually dine at 5:15, and I wasn't done with lessons until about 6:30, so we arrived at the restaurant well after 7:00. As they got in the car, they started singing the song, but they didn't finish it. I briefly mentioned my "count" of songs, and joked that theirs wouldn't count, being incomplete, so they took it from the top and sang through to the end. My FIL is notorious for knowing short portions of songs, never the whole thing, and he is 90 years old with Alzheimers, so I'm glad for a fun memory of their song to file away in the cabinet of my mind.

Let's see.... Birthday song #9 was presented by my girlfriends, the same ones who gave me the compliment at choir the night before. At choir we decided to have a girls-night-in / wii party / happy-birthday-Amanda night. They brought me a slice of DELICIOUS cheesecake with a birthday candle in it, and we all know that when there's a candle you HAVE to have the song!! Christen & Meredith, thanks for having me as a friend, even though I'm an "old lady"! Thanks to you, I DID get to blow out a candle on my birthday.

And finally, song #10 was posted on my facebook page shortly before midnight. It was done in Solfege (sol sol la sol do ti, etc.), and I found it especially unique since it included the tag, "and many more---". Way to go, Hank! Next year, can you use Fixed Do solfege, and transpose it to the key of Eb?

I am thankful to my friends & family for a fun day. I am most thankful to God for granting me this life (I have completed 34 years now, in case you were wondering), for offering me the gift of salvation & eternal life, and for using my friends & family to bless me on my birthday. He is so, so good.

A new habit

It's February. It has been almost 11 months since we finished the home study process. Waiting is fine some days, but other days it is heart-wrenching.

In January, my mom came to visit, and I showed her our nursery room and told her about the ways I wanted to change the furniture. She helped me move things around, and now it's much more open and looking like a little Baby Latona should be coming home to sleep there. It's not 100% bring the baby home now perfect, but I definitely like it better. We still need to empty the closet of David's books & papers, then there will be room for baby's things (most of which we will acquire after s/he comes anyway, since we MIGHT not necessarily get a newborn.

So my new habit is that when I walk by that room, every day or so, I go in and put my hands on or in the crib and pray out loud for Baby Latona, for the birthmother that is carrying him/her, and for the agency & caseworkers that have come alongside us. I also pray that God will work in us to prepare us to be the parents He wants us to be. I declare my trust in His will and His timing (it helps to solidify that trust when I say it out loud).

Sometimes it is hard. I go in the room, hug that soft teddy bear, and touch some of the things that will belong to Baby Latona. That makes me feel better, but I know that lifting it all up to GOD is the best and most effective thing I can do in our situation. One day, hopefully soon, He will bring us together.

For the benefit of those who wonder about these things, the crib and dust ruffle were given to us thanks to our friend Shelly McPhaul who knew that the crib needed a home and that I needed a crib. The teddy bear was given to me by David years ago. The blue flowery pillow was made by my grandmother, who has passed away. The alphabet sampler was made by my mom and used to hang in my classroom when I was teaching elementary school. The knitted blanket and hat are from Cindy Burns, a friend from church who also does a lovely job fixing my MIL's hair every week. The outfit that says "Too cute for words" is from my sister and was worn by her children. The mattress & sheet were purchased at Target & ToysRUs, respectively, by yours truly.

P.S. - Mel, I *THINK* you gave me that outfit... correct me if I'm wrong. :-)

National Adoption Week - Thursday

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month (US) and National Adoption Week (UK + me), I am celebrating. On Monday, I celebrated adoptive parents. On Tuesday, I celebrated birthmothers. On Wednesday, I celebrated adoptees.

Today I celebrate facilitators of adoption.

Adoption agencies - there are actually a LOT of them out there, specializing in domestic or international adoption, infants or older children. Such variety! We have been working with Covenant Care Services, and we particularly appreciate the way they minister to birthmothers before AND AFTER a baby's birth. Orphan care ministries & foster parents meet the physical needs of so many children as they wait for a family.

Case workers - these women (and men!) bring families together by working with children, government agencies (domestic & international), attorneys, adoptive families, foster parents, birth parents, medical personnel, financial supporters, and so much more! Without their services, it would be ever so difficult for adoptive families to come together. THANK YOU!!

Fund raisers - Some people are have the spiritual gift of GIVING. They are able to bless others financially and encourage friends to give too. Whether you give publicly or anonymously, to individual families or to an agency, your help is so appreciated. Organizations that provide grants & loans to adoptive families are an important part of this category as well, in my opinion. Thank you for your generosity.

Perhaps God has not called you to adopt children into your family. If that is the case, please consider what you might be able to do to be a financial blessing to an orphan care ministry or to someone who is seeking to obey the call to adopt. God might be calling you to meet a financial need so He can USE YOU to answer their prayers.

Speaking of prayers, ALL of these facilitators of adoption benefit from our prayers, and for all of them, I am thankful.

If you are a facilitator of adoption, or if you would like to brag about a case worker or benefactor, please comment. :-)

National Adoption Week - Wednesday

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month (US) and National Adoption Week (UK + me), I am celebrating. On Monday, I celebrated adoptive parents. On Tuesday, I celebrated birthmothers.

Today, I celebrate the children of adoption.

I have been amazed by the number of people we know who were adopted into their families. As we share our developing adoption story with others, we have observed JOYFUL responses from those who said, "I was adopted" or "My brother/sister was adopted". We are SO honored to receive encouragement from adoptees. I recall that one of my high-school friends was adopted; it wasn't a weird thing, it was just a fact. She had parents just like I had parents, and our families were both upon a foundation of love. Another high-school friend had a younger sister who was adopted from an Asian country. They were such a joy-filled family.

We never really considered adopting for OUR family until we battled infertility. We assumed we would do what married people do, and that we'd get pregnant. We felt like "everyone else" had kids that way. We conveniently forgot HOW MANY families grow through adoption rather than reproduction. I am thankful now that God has called us to adopt, even if we had to deal with the infertility stuff (NOT FUN!).

We are planning to adopt an infant in a domestic adoption--this time. We are trying to be open to what God would have us do in this adoption and in the future. He may call us to pursue an international adoption, or perhaps an interracial adoption. He may burden our hearts to adopt an older child that is in the care of an orphan home (those still exist!!) or a state foster care system. Once our home study document is done, we could pursue any (or all) of these options, as God provides, but we take it one step at a time by His grace.

As usual, I invite comments from you, my friends & readers with regard to adoption. Do you remember the day you were adopted into your family, or did it happen when you were too young to remember? Do you remember the adoption of a sibling? Please feel free to share your thoughts about adoption and its effect on your life.

National Adoption Week - Tuesday

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month (US) and National Adoption Week (UK + me), I am celebrating. On Monday, I celebrated adoptive parents.

Today, I celebrate the women and couples who have made adoption possible for families by permitting a family to adopt their biological child. My husband and I are traveling the road of adoption seeking to be adoptive parents; it is a big part of our lives, and we have shared this news with family and friends. In the midst of sharing our own journey, two women in our extended family have shared that they "gave up" a child as a young woman. While they are happy for us in our journey, the decision to forgo raising a child themselves at that point in their respective lives was a profoundly difficult one, and while they each felt they made the right decision for themselves and for the children, the memories of the past carry a great deal of emotion.

Even as I write this, I agonize over my word choices, because I do not want to choose hurtful words and diminish in any way the LOVE these women had and still have for their children, the RESPECT I have for them and their decision, the GRATITUDE I already feel toward my own child's birthmother, and the HONOR that it is for me to receive encouragement from these women and have their "stamp of approval" when they tell me that I'll be a great mom. I appreciate that they acknowledged limitations in their ability to personally be the parent they wanted their child to have at the time, and that they placed their trust in another couple to be the parents. One of these dear ladies has met her all-grown-up child and their parents and keeps in touch; the other hopes that her child is content with their adoptive family and might not search her out, for the emotional pain from that time of her life was very great.

As a prospective adoptive parent I feel a responsibility not only to my child but to his/her birthparents, especially the birthmother, who will be entrusting us with so great a treasure. May God enable me to prepare myself, prepare my home, be wise in decision-making, and to respect the need of my child's birthmother, whether it be communication from our family, or separation, or something inbetween. I think of my child's birthmother often, even though I do not yet know who she is, even though I might never even meet her. I pray for her even though I don't always know quite what to say.

Thank you, dear birthmothers, for choosing LIFE for your children and for enriching the lives of other families through adoption.

National Adoption Week - Monday

In honor of National Adoption Week, I am celebrating.

Today I celebrate my friends who have added members to their family through the gift of adoption. I am particularly happy for (1) my friends whose son joined their family within the past two weeks, (2) friends whose son entered their family just over 2 months ago, (3) and friends who will be traveling to get their son from China within the next 2 months.

We are still waiting for word on our own child(ren) who will join our home through adoption. However, we wait with HOPE.

During our adoption journey, I have met many parents with children who were born into their families in LOVE, not through their biological bodies. I can think of 6 such familes, just in my church, and there are so many more colleagues, aquaintances, friends, and even strangers that have shared their stories with me and offered encouragement. I celebrate all of you today!!

If you don't mind sharing in comments, I (and other readers) would love for you to share something special about your children and their "gotcha day".

n.b. I heard on the radio this morning that it was National Adoption Week. Evidently this is true in the UK. In the US, November is Adoption Awareness Month, and National Adoption Day is on November 20. I shall celebrate this week nonetheless!

It's RAINing, it's POURing

You know the old adage, "When it rains, it pours,"? Well, I really feel like it's pouring.

The clutter monster is alive and well in my living room, kitchen, and piano studio. I have a SMALL sense of relief that paper clutter in my bedroom is minimal, and it is non-existent in the dining room. Later this evening it will be time to get out the medication and load up some pill boxes for MIL and FIL, so the dining room will have some whirlwind moments shortly.

There is a 6-ft-long hole in our office/guestroom wall. A little pipe had to be fixed (it drains from the A/C). The water that dripped from this little pipe into the actual wall probably dripped for a month, maybe two, on and off; it took us that long to figure out what was going on! A moldy baseboard, wet drywall, and wet insulation were removed not quite 2 weeks ago, and wet carpet was untacked and folded back to reveal wet padding & moldy tack strips. The studs were wet & dark, and once they dried, we could see some mold. The mold man said last week that we have a mold issue, but it's a small one and it shouldn't be difficult to fix. The adjuster from our HO insurance said that it was a maintenance issue, not a "sudden & accidental loss", therefore we are totally on our own with mold remediation and repair expenses. I am NOT happy that we had to wait a week for an adjuster to come out, only to hear that they won't help. Unfortunately for the adjuster, this whole thing is very emotional for me, as I want our house to be PERFECTLY READY FOR A BABY, and it is not that way right now. I did a lot of crying this afternoon (while he was here and after he left). I am REALLY hoping to have all remediation and repairs DONE by Sept 24, but I don't know how exactly that's going to happen.

Wednesday was a frustrating day with the in-laws during their visit to the doctor, but I did keep my composure. I am still flabbergasted that my MIL actually LIED to her server in the dining room at the retirement home about her diabetes last week, just so she could get a "regular" dessert. What?!?!? Silver-lining is that she confessed (AFTER she ate it, mind you) because she didn't want to get the server in trouble. She laid this on us on Sunday. At the doctor, I asked her about a medication that she self-administers one evening a week, without our supervision, only to have her tell me that she quit using it 3 WEEKS AGO. ?!?!?!?!?! There was more; I'll spare you the long version, but I was definitely feeling the strain.

To top it off, about an hour ago I drove by the library to return some books, rolled down my window to drop them in the book drop, and upon pressing the UP button heard a crackling metal/glass sound. The window stayed down. Needless to say, I will be shopping around Tuesday to see how much it costs to get a regulator replaced these days.... I spent a half hour pulling the window most-of-the-way-up and jamming stuff in the edges to keep it from falling all the way down again.

[sigh]

I am thankful that there is no rain in the forecast this weekend.
I am thankful that David was not planning to take my car on his trip tomorrow to see his Noles play and that his plans are not disrupted.
I am thankful that loving friends have already invited me over to eat and watch the Gators.
I am thankful that we already passed our home study for the adoption.
I am thankful that I already know a mechanic (or 2!) that I trust.
I am thankful that MIL only has 1 DR appt in the coming week and I'll have time to get the car fixed.
I am thankful that MIL and FIL are in reasonably good health, physically, even though their mental health is in a certain state of decline.
I am thankful that PATIENCE is a fruit of the Spirit.
I am thankful that David earned extra money this summer and that some of it will be in his paycheck at the end of Sept, because we'll need it!!
I am thankful that the mold problem is small and can be fixed in a day or 2.
I am thankful that we will not be home-bound without electricity enduring the wind & rain of a giant hurricane (as we were on Labor Day weekend 2004).
I am thankful that in spite of the frustrations around me, I can depend on the provision and love of my Father God, who supplies my needs, even my need to vent through this blog.

Full Day!

It's 9:10, and I just finished the dishes. Looking back, it has been a full day!

6:30 - wake-up
7:00-7:30 walk with the hubby for exercise
8:00 DR appt with MIL
9:00 MIL back home
9:30-11:30 Ladies Bible Study!! (dropped off Rx for MIL on the way there)
11:30 errands at library, Home Depot & grocery store (picked up MIL's Rx on the way home)
2:00 put away groceries, start a load of laundry, accept a phone call from a fellow piano teacher
3:00 end phone call, start dishwasher, eat a little lunch, get ready for piano lessons
3:15-6:30 piano lessons (hubby took MIL's Rx to her - thank you!)
6:30 made dinner without using anything prepared from a box (unusual for me!!)
7:25 served steak dinner with smashed potatoes, mushrooms & onions, and steamed squash yum!
8:00 unload dishwasher & wash dinner dishes
9:10 write this blog!

The clothes are tumbling in the dryer, waiting for me to hang them up. Once they are done, I am off to BED. It HAS been a full day.

Imagining how much longer this list will be when I have a baby to care for... and still wanting to go there. God is gracious!