Parenting our parents

My husband's parents are a big responsibility in our lives. I usually take care of their shopping & errands, and I accompany them to almost all DR appointments, but this week there were no DR appts on the calendar, and my dear husband took care of the errands, effectively giving me a little break. We've been spending Friday evenings with Mom & Dad, playing cards & usually having dinner together. Tonight I started cooking supper, and he went to pick them up & run an errand. Here's a little summary he posted on facebook tonight:

So here is my life....I pick up Mom and Dad for Family Fridays! I decide to take my elderly parents to CVS....I think, "Surely, they can handle a trip to the pharmacy." Mom wants to buy birthday cards for Lynn, my mother-in-law, and me; Dad wants candy. So we enter the store and I show Mom the card section. Then I take Dad to the candy aisle and tell him to pick out two bags of candy while I go help Mom pick out cards. At this point Dad is passing gas and not to be gross but there is nothing as hideous as the gas a 91 year old passes. Another lady enters the aisle as I leave and I think, "Poor woman, she should run the other way."

I find Mom and she has picked out a card for my Christian mother-in-law. Mom picked it out in about 2 minutes flat and without her reading glasses. I read the card which starts out nice saying something about you deserve a day off, a day in the hot tub, a day to eat whatever you want, etc. Then on the bottom it says: "Do it all again tomorrow, what the hell, you deserve it." Not the right card for my mother-in-law for sure. So I help Mom pick out a better card and a card for my brother Lynn. Next I tell her, "I know you want to pick me out a card so I am going to check out these two cards and Dad's candy. After you buy your last card we will meet you in the car."

Dad and I go to the car and wait and wait and wait. I go in and find that Mom has been wandering the store calling my name, but now she is finally at checkout. When I go to checkout she not only has a card, but she also has a gallon of milk and more candy. For those who don't understand....Mom is a diabetic and she is constantly cheating on sweets (milk also is bad for diabetics). I freak out, but the lady already rang her out, so I decide to confiscate it when we get back to my house. However, there is one more crisis...she can't find her credit card. We look in every part of her purse and have no luck! I will have to look for it in her apartment later in the evening.

Oh, well that is a small snapshot of my life as senior caregiver! Pray for Amanda and me!!

The good news is that the lost credit card was found (after David checked two of Mom's other purses), there was room in our frig for the milk (she can have it on Tuesday, but not today...), and that we are finding the humor in these situations rather than just plain stressing out. The best news is, though, that Mom & Dad are in good spirits, they feel loved, and they love us. They're not the same as they used to be, mentally, but we're still making good memories--that is, David and I are making memories--and we're in this together, honoring our parents as best we can.

My Lord, my Encourager

I have been very frustrated in the waiting process lately. I chatted with my caseworker a few weeks ago, and she was very understanding and empathetic. She also encouraged me to connect with other agencies and have other options for adoption.

Here are just a few things that I have explored or discovered in the last 3 months:
* One of David's coworkers adopted from a crisis pregnancy outreach in Oklahoma several years ago. I read almost all of their website & made contact with a volunteer, discovering that while they still assist young ladies with adoption plans, they are not taking profiles from out-of-state couples at this time.
* Our home study has to be updated in order to be considered "current" by the state of Georgia. This will require us to do another round of medical exams with the doctors to show we are (still) healthy, plus a visit from our caseworker to verify that our home situation is (still) as we said it was last year, plus a few hundred dollars to update the study.
* An adoption agency in my home town is not taking profiles from out-of-state couples at this time; check back in 4-6 months. This second time they've told me this; I inquired at the beginning of the year too.
* There are many "family service" providers in various states, but each one has a limit on how many out-of-state couples they will work with, a multi-page application form, training classes & interview process.... even if we apply with only a few, we will eat up our adoption savings with fees & travel expenses, not to mention the actual placement fee (as little as $6K, usually $10K and up). Plus, most organizations want adoptive parents of infants to be within the ages of 25 and 45. David is very close to that upper limit.
* We have friends who are living in Kiev, Ukraine, and have made contact with an authority in the adoption services program in that country. Other friends also told us that the application process for that country is really quick right now - dossiers are being processed within about 4 months (that's REALLY fast for international adoption). It would be exciting to go to Ukraine to adopt, especially since we have a contact there now, but we might have to stay there a LONG time! We read a blog account of a couple in TN who adopted from Ukraine, and what they thought would be a 4-6 week trip was extended to 67 DAYS out of country. Because of our responsibilities with David's parents, we don't think we could realistically be gone that long.
* We sent our life-book to two young ladies in our surrounding community (friends of friends of friends...) who were early in their respective pregnancies and would probably be considering private adoption. We have not heard anything about their plans, though we continue to pray for both of them.

There is just SO much out there. In-state... out-of-state... international... agency... private... foster care... My head hurts trying to think through it all. YET, the Lord brought me unexpected encouragement just last night. I was serving in the nursery, and we had a little guy who was kind of fussy (and really sleepy!) and eventually was crying to the point where we sent for his mom before church was over. She expressed thanks that we sent for her, and in the course of visiting with her, I discovered that she and her husband had adopted him via private adoption, using an attorney, when he was about 7 months old. We chatted a bit about agencies we had been in contact with, and the LARGE amount of money it costs to adopt infants with some agencies, and I mentioned that we were using Covenant Care Services. She immediately recognized the name and said, "Oh, I LOVE them! When we adopt our next child, we want to use them."

What a wonderful bit of assurance that we are working with good people at a well-reputed agency. We're still exploring more options, trying to branch out, but my short conversation with this mom helped ease the uncertain desperation that I've been combating.

So many people have checked on me lately to find out how it's coming with the adoption, and SO many people have told me that they (and their children) are praying for us. It's so humbling; it makes me cry even now. It is hard to NOT KNOW, to STILL be waiting after all this time, and I would be an emotional MESS if not for my faith in God, who brings the blessing of children. For now, I have children in my life as friends, students, church family, niece & nephews, and I enjoy showing love to my friends and their children by spending with them and babysitting.

Thank you, Lord, for letting me love these precious kids as I wait.
Thank you, Lord, for so many organizations that minister to children & pregnant women.
Thank you, Lord, for my husband.
Thank you, Lord, for helping me wait for YOUR timing and YOUR good work; you are faithful ALWAYS.