Well, as I posted in January, we've been working on a home study with Lutheran Services of Georgia; we are participating in their Domestic Infant adoption program and the Heritage program, which matches adoptive parents with children who are currently in state foster care. We don't know which program might be the vehicle for our entering the world of parenthood, but we're trying to remain open to whatever God has. It's also possible that we could be selected by a birthmother through Covenant Care Services, as our file is still open with them.
We have had one caseworker through the entire course of our journey with CCS, so it has been surprising and a bit confusing that our experience with LSG has involved 4 different caseworkers so far... yes, I said 4... but the home study has been finished, and worker #3 told us that worker #2 had written a very good home study narrative, though I have not been able to get a copy of it myself and see her handiwork. #3 had to resign from the agency just recently due to health concerns, so we're staying in contact with an Atlanta caseworker, #4, while the program manager tries to hire a local caseworker. When God is through with this story, it's sure to be a good one, but in the meantime, the waiting is hard.
This week, I have been missing my kids, whoever they are. I try to pray for them, but sometimes I feel like I've already said it all... I know God still wants to hear it, though, and He wants me to stay close to Him. I am also re-reading Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother since it has been a few years since I read that one. I actually read it in the nursery... is that silly?
At church, I've been working through a Bible study book called Divine Design, which is about Biblical womanhood. Last week, we were reading about Adam & Eve in the garden, and the fact that God allowed them to have all of the trees in the garden except one. The question was posed to me, is there something in life on which God has posted a "Keep Off" sign, or said, "You can't have that,"? It asked me to comment on my reaction to this indication. As more time passes, I become more accepting of the reality that I will not "have" pregnancy & childbirth. Yet, I still believe that God will not withhold the opportunity to be a parent and to nurture children in my family & household. I must continue to reaffirm my faith in my Lord & Savior! He is good!!!
Lord, let me remain yielded to Your will and help me be content with Your good plans and Your timing (Jer 29:11). Continue to give me a heart for the children you have for me, children of another woman's body who will become children of my home and of my heart. Thank you for the testimony of families around me who have become parents through the miracle of adoption; I know that you have not forgotten me (Is 44:21) and that you are faithful to complete the works you begin (Phil 1:6).
We struggle not against flesh and blood, don't we? I can't imagine what you are feeling, even though you do a great job writing your feelings. I hope and pray that God continues to bring you to the place He wants you to be, where ever that place is. God is the God of comfort in painful affliction. I love you, and am praying for you, and hope that your hopes and dreams will be fulfilled in the One and Only...and in His great plans for you. Love you!
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