So, I've been staying off of facebook this month. One reason I chose to do it was so I could research some additional adoption agencies, and see if we could connect with one or two in an effort to be matched up with the child God has for our family.
I am struggling on so many levels. First, there's that general ache, wanting to be a mommy, yet not having a child. God is faithful, and I am content most of the time, but this past week in particular, it has been very hard. Next, there has been some rejection. I have contacted two agencies that told me they limit the number of out-of-state couples they work with, and they just can't take any more right now. I'm also struggling with fear. I asked one of the agencies if they could provide some recommendations, and when I did a search a the place they suggested, I found articles & blogposts about ethics violations, loss of license, and scary stuff like that. I don't want to be so eager to adopt a baby that I fall victim to shady people who just want our money. On the flip side, though, I don't want to be suspicious of every agency I find.
I want to be patient and wait with grace. Yet, if God would have us find "our baby" with another agency, I don't want miss out because I was complacent and never attempted to contact other agencies. YET, I don't want to run ahead of God's will or kick in a door that He has shut. I took a deep breath and called an agency today; I left a voicemail message without crying and was very proud of myself. However, they saw my # on the caller ID (I had cycled back to the operator station a couple of times while deciding who to leave a message for, and as a result their phone rang a lot...) so they thought I had called several times, and they called me back. I should have been glad to get to talk to someone so quickly, but instead I was fighting tears during my conversation with the caseworker, and I cried when I hung up the phone. Tears have been streaming through most of my typing of this post, actually. I don't want to be an emotional wreck, but sometimes my emotions well up A LOT when I have to talk about our situation to someone who doesn't know us.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to stop looking for additional agencies and go back to surfing through facebook, but then, I won't really learn anything about myself or about truly leaning on HIM through the tough stuff if I just avoid the tough stuff and spend my time on mindless games.
God, I trust You. You are faithful to Your people. Your Word does not return void. I believe we are on an adoption journey because it's where You called us to be. It's just really hard right now. In my weakness, be strong for me.
Mar 16, 2011
Feb 25, 2011
Birthday 2011 - a tale of ten songs
I certainly enjoyed celebrating my birthday this year. :-) Here are the highlights:
On the eve of my birthday, my sweet friends noted the outfit I wore to choir practice and observed that I looked like a college student. I took this as a great compliment since I got out of college...13 years ago. (eek!)
I opened a gift from my parents first thing in the morning; a fun sweater & blouse. My mom knows I like it when she gives me clothes, since I usually dread shopping for them myself. My dear friend Tammy came to visit me in the afternoon, and she brought homemade cupcakes with chocolate icing. I had made strawberry cupcakes, and I served them to my students all week (there are still a few more to pass out today and Monday), but it was fun to be the recipient of such a treat.
Cards arrived in the mail from my husband's aunt, from Miss Annette at church, and from the "Moss Gang". The hand-made card from my 4-year-old niece to "AUNTAMANDA" was fun, and so was the Kohl's gift card! Friends sent me messages & "wall posts" on facebook through the day, and I enjoyed reading them, since I don't let the program tell people it's my birthday; they have to remember or figure it out!
At dinner, my husband presented me with a gift that was wrapped at a jewelry store!! He consulted with some of his female coworkers who have lived here a long time, and they told him the best jewelry store in the area was over in Sylvester, so unbeknownst to me, he took his mom over there and selected a necklace for me. The chain is a sparkly silver (it almost looks like diamonds), and it's interspersed with pearls. So lovely. I was touched that in the midst of the busyness and stress of work, he made time to select something special for me. I love my man...
Birthday song #1 was sung by my husband before we got out of bed in the morning. He is NOT a singer, mind you, and it was very sweet that he chose to sing to me.
Birthday song #2 was on the telephone, courtesy of Mr. Russell Cates. He has been a member of my church for many years, and his ministry is to call members on their birthdays, sing the song, and remind them that Jesus loves them. Mr. Russell makes me smile.
Song #3 was via Skype! My sweet and busy sister taught her kids the birthday song EARLY, and it was fun to watch them sing to me; technology is so cool. Thanks, Mel, for finding those few minutes for me in your VERY FULL day!
Songs #1-3 all happened before 8:00, and at 9:00 my parents called & sang to me on the phone. They said, "Has anyone sung 'Happy Birthday' to you yet?" I told them that they were song #4 of the day!
Someone once told me that I should have my students play "happy birthday" for me on the piano on my special day, but I haven't specifically taught them to play it since we're prepping for piano festival in about 2 weeks. I couldn't help but smile when one of my students arrived at his lesson with a printout of the "Happy Birthday" music that his mom had found on the internet, and he played it for me before we started our lesson. Birthday song #5 was an unexpected treat!
You might not count song #6, but *I* do, and that's what matters. For several years, I played keyboard at my home church (First Assembly of God, Gainesville FL) and for a season, I got to share the platform with the Whitesel family. Julie, Janet, Keith, Kraig & Jeana were a fine bunch of musicians, and when Janet posted the happy birthday lyrics with music note icons included, I could HEAR her singing it, if only in my mind's ear.
Song # 7 was courtesy of another student (and his mom) who called me on the phone and sang a lively rendition of "Happy Birthday", complete with a "cha-cha-cha" at the end of every line! (ironically, songs #5 and #7 were both performed by students named Jacob)
Song #8 was provided by my MIL & FIL. They wanted to take us out to dinner for my birthday, even though that meant a rather LATE meal for them; they usually dine at 5:15, and I wasn't done with lessons until about 6:30, so we arrived at the restaurant well after 7:00. As they got in the car, they started singing the song, but they didn't finish it. I briefly mentioned my "count" of songs, and joked that theirs wouldn't count, being incomplete, so they took it from the top and sang through to the end. My FIL is notorious for knowing short portions of songs, never the whole thing, and he is 90 years old with Alzheimers, so I'm glad for a fun memory of their song to file away in the cabinet of my mind.
Let's see.... Birthday song #9 was presented by my girlfriends, the same ones who gave me the compliment at choir the night before. At choir we decided to have a girls-night-in / wii party / happy-birthday-Amanda night. They brought me a slice of DELICIOUS cheesecake with a birthday candle in it, and we all know that when there's a candle you HAVE to have the song!! Christen & Meredith, thanks for having me as a friend, even though I'm an "old lady"! Thanks to you, I DID get to blow out a candle on my birthday.
And finally, song #10 was posted on my facebook page shortly before midnight. It was done in Solfege (sol sol la sol do ti, etc.), and I found it especially unique since it included the tag, "and many more---". Way to go, Hank! Next year, can you use Fixed Do solfege, and transpose it to the key of Eb?
I am thankful to my friends & family for a fun day. I am most thankful to God for granting me this life (I have completed 34 years now, in case you were wondering), for offering me the gift of salvation & eternal life, and for using my friends & family to bless me on my birthday. He is so, so good.
On the eve of my birthday, my sweet friends noted the outfit I wore to choir practice and observed that I looked like a college student. I took this as a great compliment since I got out of college...13 years ago. (eek!)
I opened a gift from my parents first thing in the morning; a fun sweater & blouse. My mom knows I like it when she gives me clothes, since I usually dread shopping for them myself. My dear friend Tammy came to visit me in the afternoon, and she brought homemade cupcakes with chocolate icing. I had made strawberry cupcakes, and I served them to my students all week (there are still a few more to pass out today and Monday), but it was fun to be the recipient of such a treat.
Cards arrived in the mail from my husband's aunt, from Miss Annette at church, and from the "Moss Gang". The hand-made card from my 4-year-old niece to "AUNTAMANDA" was fun, and so was the Kohl's gift card! Friends sent me messages & "wall posts" on facebook through the day, and I enjoyed reading them, since I don't let the program tell people it's my birthday; they have to remember or figure it out!
At dinner, my husband presented me with a gift that was wrapped at a jewelry store!! He consulted with some of his female coworkers who have lived here a long time, and they told him the best jewelry store in the area was over in Sylvester, so unbeknownst to me, he took his mom over there and selected a necklace for me. The chain is a sparkly silver (it almost looks like diamonds), and it's interspersed with pearls. So lovely. I was touched that in the midst of the busyness and stress of work, he made time to select something special for me. I love my man...
Birthday song #1 was sung by my husband before we got out of bed in the morning. He is NOT a singer, mind you, and it was very sweet that he chose to sing to me.
Birthday song #2 was on the telephone, courtesy of Mr. Russell Cates. He has been a member of my church for many years, and his ministry is to call members on their birthdays, sing the song, and remind them that Jesus loves them. Mr. Russell makes me smile.
Song #3 was via Skype! My sweet and busy sister taught her kids the birthday song EARLY, and it was fun to watch them sing to me; technology is so cool. Thanks, Mel, for finding those few minutes for me in your VERY FULL day!
Songs #1-3 all happened before 8:00, and at 9:00 my parents called & sang to me on the phone. They said, "Has anyone sung 'Happy Birthday' to you yet?" I told them that they were song #4 of the day!
Someone once told me that I should have my students play "happy birthday" for me on the piano on my special day, but I haven't specifically taught them to play it since we're prepping for piano festival in about 2 weeks. I couldn't help but smile when one of my students arrived at his lesson with a printout of the "Happy Birthday" music that his mom had found on the internet, and he played it for me before we started our lesson. Birthday song #5 was an unexpected treat!
You might not count song #6, but *I* do, and that's what matters. For several years, I played keyboard at my home church (First Assembly of God, Gainesville FL) and for a season, I got to share the platform with the Whitesel family. Julie, Janet, Keith, Kraig & Jeana were a fine bunch of musicians, and when Janet posted the happy birthday lyrics with music note icons included, I could HEAR her singing it, if only in my mind's ear.
Song # 7 was courtesy of another student (and his mom) who called me on the phone and sang a lively rendition of "Happy Birthday", complete with a "cha-cha-cha" at the end of every line! (ironically, songs #5 and #7 were both performed by students named Jacob)
Song #8 was provided by my MIL & FIL. They wanted to take us out to dinner for my birthday, even though that meant a rather LATE meal for them; they usually dine at 5:15, and I wasn't done with lessons until about 6:30, so we arrived at the restaurant well after 7:00. As they got in the car, they started singing the song, but they didn't finish it. I briefly mentioned my "count" of songs, and joked that theirs wouldn't count, being incomplete, so they took it from the top and sang through to the end. My FIL is notorious for knowing short portions of songs, never the whole thing, and he is 90 years old with Alzheimers, so I'm glad for a fun memory of their song to file away in the cabinet of my mind.
Let's see.... Birthday song #9 was presented by my girlfriends, the same ones who gave me the compliment at choir the night before. At choir we decided to have a girls-night-in / wii party / happy-birthday-Amanda night. They brought me a slice of DELICIOUS cheesecake with a birthday candle in it, and we all know that when there's a candle you HAVE to have the song!! Christen & Meredith, thanks for having me as a friend, even though I'm an "old lady"! Thanks to you, I DID get to blow out a candle on my birthday.
And finally, song #10 was posted on my facebook page shortly before midnight. It was done in Solfege (sol sol la sol do ti, etc.), and I found it especially unique since it included the tag, "and many more---". Way to go, Hank! Next year, can you use Fixed Do solfege, and transpose it to the key of Eb?
I am thankful to my friends & family for a fun day. I am most thankful to God for granting me this life (I have completed 34 years now, in case you were wondering), for offering me the gift of salvation & eternal life, and for using my friends & family to bless me on my birthday. He is so, so good.
Feb 4, 2011
A new habit
It's February. It has been almost 11 months since we finished the home study process. Waiting is fine some days, but other days it is heart-wrenching.
In January, my mom came to visit, and I showed her our nursery room and told her about the ways I wanted to change the furniture. She helped me move things around, and now it's much more open and looking like a little Baby Latona should be coming home to sleep there. It's not 100% bring the baby home now perfect, but I definitely like it better. We still need to empty the closet of David's books & papers, then there will be room for baby's things (most of which we will acquire after s/he comes anyway, since we MIGHT not necessarily get a newborn.
So my new habit is that when I walk by that room, every day or so, I go in and put my hands on or in the crib and pray out loud for Baby Latona, for the birthmother that is carrying him/her, and for the agency & caseworkers that have come alongside us. I also pray that God will work in us to prepare us to be the parents He wants us to be. I declare my trust in His will and His timing (it helps to solidify that trust when I say it out loud).
Sometimes it is hard. I go in the room, hug that soft teddy bear, and touch some of the things that will belong to Baby Latona. That makes me feel better, but I know that lifting it all up to GOD is the best and most effective thing I can do in our situation. One day, hopefully soon, He will bring us together.
For the benefit of those who wonder about these things, the crib and dust ruffle were given to us thanks to our friend Shelly McPhaul who knew that the crib needed a home and that I needed a crib. The teddy bear was given to me by David years ago. The blue flowery pillow was made by my grandmother, who has passed away. The alphabet sampler was made by my mom and used to hang in my classroom when I was teaching elementary school. The knitted blanket and hat are from Cindy Burns, a friend from church who also does a lovely job fixing my MIL's hair every week. The outfit that says "Too cute for words" is from my sister and was worn by her children. The mattress & sheet were purchased at Target & ToysRUs, respectively, by yours truly.
P.S. - Mel, I *THINK* you gave me that outfit... correct me if I'm wrong. :-)
In January, my mom came to visit, and I showed her our nursery room and told her about the ways I wanted to change the furniture. She helped me move things around, and now it's much more open and looking like a little Baby Latona should be coming home to sleep there. It's not 100% bring the baby home now perfect, but I definitely like it better. We still need to empty the closet of David's books & papers, then there will be room for baby's things (most of which we will acquire after s/he comes anyway, since we MIGHT not necessarily get a newborn.
So my new habit is that when I walk by that room, every day or so, I go in and put my hands on or in the crib and pray out loud for Baby Latona, for the birthmother that is carrying him/her, and for the agency & caseworkers that have come alongside us. I also pray that God will work in us to prepare us to be the parents He wants us to be. I declare my trust in His will and His timing (it helps to solidify that trust when I say it out loud).
Sometimes it is hard. I go in the room, hug that soft teddy bear, and touch some of the things that will belong to Baby Latona. That makes me feel better, but I know that lifting it all up to GOD is the best and most effective thing I can do in our situation. One day, hopefully soon, He will bring us together.
For the benefit of those who wonder about these things, the crib and dust ruffle were given to us thanks to our friend Shelly McPhaul who knew that the crib needed a home and that I needed a crib. The teddy bear was given to me by David years ago. The blue flowery pillow was made by my grandmother, who has passed away. The alphabet sampler was made by my mom and used to hang in my classroom when I was teaching elementary school. The knitted blanket and hat are from Cindy Burns, a friend from church who also does a lovely job fixing my MIL's hair every week. The outfit that says "Too cute for words" is from my sister and was worn by her children. The mattress & sheet were purchased at Target & ToysRUs, respectively, by yours truly.
P.S. - Mel, I *THINK* you gave me that outfit... correct me if I'm wrong. :-)
Nov 4, 2010
National Adoption Week - Thursday
In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month (US) and National Adoption Week (UK + me), I am celebrating. On Monday, I celebrated adoptive parents. On Tuesday, I celebrated birthmothers. On Wednesday, I celebrated adoptees.
Today I celebrate facilitators of adoption.
Adoption agencies - there are actually a LOT of them out there, specializing in domestic or international adoption, infants or older children. Such variety! We have been working with Covenant Care Services, and we particularly appreciate the way they minister to birthmothers before AND AFTER a baby's birth. Orphan care ministries & foster parents meet the physical needs of so many children as they wait for a family.
Case workers - these women (and men!) bring families together by working with children, government agencies (domestic & international), attorneys, adoptive families, foster parents, birth parents, medical personnel, financial supporters, and so much more! Without their services, it would be ever so difficult for adoptive families to come together. THANK YOU!!
Fund raisers - Some people are have the spiritual gift of GIVING. They are able to bless others financially and encourage friends to give too. Whether you give publicly or anonymously, to individual families or to an agency, your help is so appreciated. Organizations that provide grants & loans to adoptive families are an important part of this category as well, in my opinion. Thank you for your generosity.
Perhaps God has not called you to adopt children into your family. If that is the case, please consider what you might be able to do to be a financial blessing to an orphan care ministry or to someone who is seeking to obey the call to adopt. God might be calling you to meet a financial need so He can USE YOU to answer their prayers.
Speaking of prayers, ALL of these facilitators of adoption benefit from our prayers, and for all of them, I am thankful.
If you are a facilitator of adoption, or if you would like to brag about a case worker or benefactor, please comment. :-)
Today I celebrate facilitators of adoption.
Adoption agencies - there are actually a LOT of them out there, specializing in domestic or international adoption, infants or older children. Such variety! We have been working with Covenant Care Services, and we particularly appreciate the way they minister to birthmothers before AND AFTER a baby's birth. Orphan care ministries & foster parents meet the physical needs of so many children as they wait for a family.
Case workers - these women (and men!) bring families together by working with children, government agencies (domestic & international), attorneys, adoptive families, foster parents, birth parents, medical personnel, financial supporters, and so much more! Without their services, it would be ever so difficult for adoptive families to come together. THANK YOU!!
Fund raisers - Some people are have the spiritual gift of GIVING. They are able to bless others financially and encourage friends to give too. Whether you give publicly or anonymously, to individual families or to an agency, your help is so appreciated. Organizations that provide grants & loans to adoptive families are an important part of this category as well, in my opinion. Thank you for your generosity.
Perhaps God has not called you to adopt children into your family. If that is the case, please consider what you might be able to do to be a financial blessing to an orphan care ministry or to someone who is seeking to obey the call to adopt. God might be calling you to meet a financial need so He can USE YOU to answer their prayers.
Speaking of prayers, ALL of these facilitators of adoption benefit from our prayers, and for all of them, I am thankful.
If you are a facilitator of adoption, or if you would like to brag about a case worker or benefactor, please comment. :-)
Nov 3, 2010
National Adoption Week - Wednesday
In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month (US) and National Adoption Week (UK + me), I am celebrating. On Monday, I celebrated adoptive parents. On Tuesday, I celebrated birthmothers.
Today, I celebrate the children of adoption.
I have been amazed by the number of people we know who were adopted into their families. As we share our developing adoption story with others, we have observed JOYFUL responses from those who said, "I was adopted" or "My brother/sister was adopted". We are SO honored to receive encouragement from adoptees. I recall that one of my high-school friends was adopted; it wasn't a weird thing, it was just a fact. She had parents just like I had parents, and our families were both upon a foundation of love. Another high-school friend had a younger sister who was adopted from an Asian country. They were such a joy-filled family.
We never really considered adopting for OUR family until we battled infertility. We assumed we would do what married people do, and that we'd get pregnant. We felt like "everyone else" had kids that way. We conveniently forgot HOW MANY families grow through adoption rather than reproduction. I am thankful now that God has called us to adopt, even if we had to deal with the infertility stuff (NOT FUN!).
We are planning to adopt an infant in a domestic adoption--this time. We are trying to be open to what God would have us do in this adoption and in the future. He may call us to pursue an international adoption, or perhaps an interracial adoption. He may burden our hearts to adopt an older child that is in the care of an orphan home (those still exist!!) or a state foster care system. Once our home study document is done, we could pursue any (or all) of these options, as God provides, but we take it one step at a time by His grace.
As usual, I invite comments from you, my friends & readers with regard to adoption. Do you remember the day you were adopted into your family, or did it happen when you were too young to remember? Do you remember the adoption of a sibling? Please feel free to share your thoughts about adoption and its effect on your life.
Today, I celebrate the children of adoption.
I have been amazed by the number of people we know who were adopted into their families. As we share our developing adoption story with others, we have observed JOYFUL responses from those who said, "I was adopted" or "My brother/sister was adopted". We are SO honored to receive encouragement from adoptees. I recall that one of my high-school friends was adopted; it wasn't a weird thing, it was just a fact. She had parents just like I had parents, and our families were both upon a foundation of love. Another high-school friend had a younger sister who was adopted from an Asian country. They were such a joy-filled family.
We never really considered adopting for OUR family until we battled infertility. We assumed we would do what married people do, and that we'd get pregnant. We felt like "everyone else" had kids that way. We conveniently forgot HOW MANY families grow through adoption rather than reproduction. I am thankful now that God has called us to adopt, even if we had to deal with the infertility stuff (NOT FUN!).
We are planning to adopt an infant in a domestic adoption--this time. We are trying to be open to what God would have us do in this adoption and in the future. He may call us to pursue an international adoption, or perhaps an interracial adoption. He may burden our hearts to adopt an older child that is in the care of an orphan home (those still exist!!) or a state foster care system. Once our home study document is done, we could pursue any (or all) of these options, as God provides, but we take it one step at a time by His grace.
As usual, I invite comments from you, my friends & readers with regard to adoption. Do you remember the day you were adopted into your family, or did it happen when you were too young to remember? Do you remember the adoption of a sibling? Please feel free to share your thoughts about adoption and its effect on your life.
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